after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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