Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
