I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
