i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
