dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
