Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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