9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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