Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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