I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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