Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Panties = found
Randomize
