I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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