Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
