I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
