Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
