Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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