Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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