My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
