In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
