Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
