she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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