There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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