yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
