If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
