My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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