Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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