when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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