i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
