At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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