I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
