i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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