I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize