We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
