She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do vagina's smell?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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