I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
