I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
