I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
