Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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