wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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