his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
