Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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