Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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