There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
