This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
