yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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