i may or may not be watching the land before time
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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