Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
