Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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