You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
