i just google imaged poop.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize