I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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