I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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