We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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