Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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