forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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