she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
