i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
