I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
