I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
