it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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