Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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