So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize