I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize