Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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