so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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