apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
