This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can I color on your dick again?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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