So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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